Gaming Through Grief: My Journey with The Last of Us Part II

A Surprising Aid to Finding Resilience in the Dark

The end of a relationship often feels like the disintegration of everything that once seemed solid. No matter how much you hope for some clear form of closure, what you get is generally much messier. I thought I understood grief before. I thought it would look like something I could identify, something I could fix. But grief, as I learned, isn’t so tidy. It creeps up on you and holds space in places you didn’t know you had. And in the aftermath of my breakup, I found myself reaching for a most unexpected game: The Last of Us Part II. At first, I hated it.

It was…my ex’s favorite game.

They were OBSESSED. They spent hours immersed in it and could easy ignore me if the game was mentioned at any point. The way my ex could talk forever about every plot detail, every nuance could make me tune out in minutes. The Last of Us Part II was something they clung to, a comfort, a passion I could never fully understand back then. It became a symbol of all the things I couldn’t connect with him over, and in the haze of that resentment, I rejected it. I couldn’t imagine ever finding meaning in a world that for me was tainted by everything I couldn’t see eye to eye on.

It was like he was dating the game…not me.

As time passed, things changed. I became a little desperate to feel any kind of connection to and hopefully understand the man that broke my heart. What once pissed me off…began to pull me in. Tentatively I picked it up, unsure of what I’d find. And to my surprise..

I found a mirror for my own grief. I’d gained a new tool to help me not only face the remnants of my relationship, but what it means to feel true loss and the struggle to move on.

Loss, a Constant Companion: Ellie’s Journey and My Own

Grief is not a singular event. It ain’t even a series. I liken it more to slow, internal unraveling that starts, but never really ends…not fully. It takes hold in your body and your mind, until you feel like you’re carrying someone else’s weight on your back. The Last of Us Part II is a world that helps us better understand this.

Ellie’s journey…driven by the loss of someone she loved, became a chilling reflection of my own experience.

It wasn’t that I suddenly saw the game as my ex had. It wasn’t about adopting their obsession, or making it into kind of shrine or whatever. Instead, I began to understand the rawness of her grief. The pain of losing someone you thought you could trust, someone you thought you could build a life with…that gets you. When stripped away from you so suddenly, that kind of loss never heals neatly. It never wraps itself up into a bow. It lingers. It festers like an old wound. The more you try to ignore or suppress it, the more it seeps into everything.

What hit me the most is that The Last of Us Part II doesn’t promise resolution. It doesn’t tell you that the pain will end or that justice will be served. Instead, we see different perspectives on coping; on surviving. It shows us that moving onward doesn’t really need closure. It requires only endurance. It calls for pressing forward even when you wanna quit.

You just..keep…goin

The Price of Vengeance: Abby’s Redemption

At first Abby seemed like an irritant, a character I couldn’t bring myself to empathize with. I hated her so much that searched for and found a diss track. I had this looped for almost all of Day 1.

*Spoiler Alert* High levels of stupidity 🤣

THAT SAID. The more I played, the more I recognized myself in her; not in her actions, but in her motivations. She was a woman that had a bad thing happen to her and she got stuck because of it. Does that justify her actions? Hell no. But I can relate. It took me a year to process things after what my ex did to me. I also wanted to find someone to blame, to lash out and seek retribution. I wanted what I considered justice for my broken relationship.

Abby’s relentless pursuit of vengeance was the hunger I felt gnawing at me after everything fell apart. But like her, I eventually realized that vengeance, no matter how satisfying it might seem, only deepens the wound.

As Abby’s story(…and my own) unfolded, I began to see how pointless my own anger was. It also paints a good picture of what you can expect if you continue to hold on to that desire for payback. There is no satisfaction, only more loss, only more emptiness. Her eventual choice to walk away from the cycle of hatred was a lesson I wasn’t ready to learn until I had someone commit an atrocity to me.

Photo by Max Ovcharenko on Unsplash

Healing: Not a Resolution, But a Choice

TLOU2 doesn’t offer comfort. It doesn’t give you the continuity you want. Instead, The Last of Us Part II gives its players something more grounded: valuable insight into the complexity of the healing process. Ellie’s journey didn’t end in a moment of justice. It ends instead with a choice; a VERY necessary choice. Not to forgive, but to move on.

Playing TLOU2 now, I see the connections where I had once refused to. It’s no longer just my ex’s game. It became a part of my own story; another tool for surviving loss. The game’s unyielding exploration of the subject from multiple angles reflects the variability my own journey. I found something I had not expected: a way forward.

I may never forgive. I will never forget. I can at least accept.

Mindful Gaming: Navigating The Last of Us Part II with Awareness

The Last of Us Part II demands a little more than passive inputs. Unlike past games I’ve covered, I feel it requires some emotional presence. It asks you to confront parts of yourself that may not be the easiest to face.

Here’s how I’ve approached this particular experience:

1. Check in with Yourself

Before you dive into The Last of Us 2, take a moment to assess where you’re at emotionally; especially if you're navigating an intense situation(breakup or otherwise) in real life. The game isn’t light. For someone going through it, the emotional weight it carries can be overwhelming. If you're feeling raw, it's okay to set it aside and return when you're in a better headspace.

2. Finding Peace in the Little Things

Breakups often leave you with a sense of loss and chaos, much like the world of The Last of Us 2. But even in the thick of it, there are quieter moments that can offer a semblance of peace. Think of Ellie playing her guitar, the quiet of an abandoned world, or taking in the game’s graphically rendered beauty. These moments serve as reminders that there’s light to be found even in the darkest times. These quiet spaces in the game may help you find solace.

3. Focus on the Emotional Journey, Not Just the Pain

Both TLOU2 and a breakup are filled with pain, but they’re also a launchpad for deep emotional journeys. While the violence is brutal, what really sticks out is how the characters process their loss and regret. Similarly, a breakup forces you to confront your own emotions; not just the immediate(or prolonged) heartbreak, but the aftermath of grief, guilt, and ultimately growth. Instead of focusing only on pain, try to embrace the emotional depth of your experience. If you’re ready, allow it to shape your healing.

4. Let Yourself Grieve

It’s uncomfortable, but necessary. In TLOU2, the characters’ mourning feels palpable and their stories echo the stages of loss many of us experience. If you're open to it, the game can offer a way to process your own grief, helping you move through those feelings and find acceptance. Like in real life, healing takes time. Acknowledging that pain can lead to growth.

5. Take Time to Reflect

After the “heavier” moments in the game(you’ll know them immediately), don’t rush to the next chapter. I’ve written about this before but it really IS important to give yourself space to reflect. How are you really feeling? What part of the story or experience hit you hardest? Allow yourself the time to process those emotions without rushing to “move on.”

6. See the Characters as Mirrors

In The Last of Us 2, the characters’ journeys are reflections of our own struggles. Their mistakes, pain, and growth mimic the things we experience when facing loss and emotional turmoil. Just as you might see yourself in Ellie or Joel, an emotionally intense moment like a breakup forces you reflect on your own choices, mistakes, and growth. Let the characters' stories mirror your own path to healing, using the game as a way to process what you’re going through.

7. Ground Yourself in Reality

After immersing yourself in an intense experience, it’s important to step back into the real world any way you’re able. Whether it’s going outside for a walk, spending time with friends, or touching grass…grounding yourself in reality can help you regain perspective. The world of TLOU2 may feel all-consuming at times, but it’s the real world where your healing and recovery will truly begin.

You may feel lonely at times, but you’re never really alone

Survival, Not Redemption: “The Last of..” My Reflections

What The Last of Us Part II gives you is not a resolution, but the acknowledgment that survival is all we got. It doesn’t promise closure or a way out of pain. Instead, it dares you to carry your grief, to live with the brokenness and keep moving forward.

At the end, TLOU2 became not just my ex’s favorite pastime, but my own journey as well. A journey not of resolution, but of survival. I did not win. I’m not sure if I really lost. I can at least accept how things are.

To paraphrase and misquote Dostoevsky:

“And as I continue my own process of healing, I realize that sometimes the things we once resisted, the things that seemed foreign or insufferable, can become the very tools we need to understand and move through our pain.”

Thank you for taking the time to read 🙂

Image Credits - Unsplash